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Satire

My Kids Make Me Say The Darndest Things

I have said some pretty crazy things in my lifetime, but none as crazy as the things that come out of my mouth when parenting. Below is a sample of things that I have said to my children that I never could have imagined a possible scenario where saying such things would have been necessary. If you are not a parent yet, you may want to jot some of these down as they will probably come in handy later.

1.) Hey! We don’t poop in the fridge!

2.) No! We don’t eat bugs!

3.) Please don’t pick your nose. No! We don’t eat boogers!

4.) Please don’t jump on your mother’s head while she is sleeping!

5.) WOW! That IS a really big poopy!

6.) Ooops! Let’s not buy things on Daddy’s iPod.

7.) Please don’t touch your privates when you’re eating your popcorn!

8.) Everybody out of the tub!! Let me get the poop out and we will start over.

9.) Don’t put that up your nose!!

10.) Could you please not climb on Daddy’s back while he is trying to poop?

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About Todd Daggett

Todd Daggett is a fool. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a fool as well. That or they are really smart but a very good liar. Either way you should probably take some time to get to know them to be sure and then punch them in the throat for calling Todd Daggett a fool. Nobody does that and gets away with it.

Discussion

2 thoughts on “My Kids Make Me Say The Darndest Things

  1. Poop should be a second language.

    Posted by Stephen F Daggett | February 17, 2012, 5:05 am
  2. Yes! That bathroom time should be alone time. Not when you have kids, though, its all over!

    Posted by Sara | February 15, 2012, 7:44 am

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