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Satire

10 Pick Up Lines That Could Lead To Disaster

1.) “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together” – Anybody can rearrange the alphabet.  It’s called spelling words.  If you say this, she will think you lack basic language and problem solving skills.

 2.) “Are you lost? Because Heaven is a long way from here.” – You say this to a woman I guarantee she’s going to think your next move is to kill her.

 3.) “People call me John, but you can call me Tonight” – yes, this may seem clever at first, but it’s going to be really awkward about mid-conversation when you have to ask her to actually call you John.

 4.) “If a fat man puts you in a bag tonight, don’t worry I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.” – Avoid this line if you’re fat.

5.) “Are those space pants? Because your butt is out of this world!” – Have you ever seen astronaut pants?  They are not flattering to the female figure whatsoever.  You’ve basically just told her that her legs are the same size from top to bottom and lack any sort of shape.

 6.) “Are you a parking ticket? Because you got FINE written all over you.”  – If her reply is “yes, I am a parking ticket, you owe me 50 bucks” what are you going to do?  Your only option is to pay her the fifty dollars or backtrack and point out that she doesn’t have any of the other parking ticket markings on her.

 7.) “I’ve got Skittles in my mouth, want to taste the rainbow?” – Nobody wants your chewed up Skittles dude.

 8.) “Are you a cop, because you’re America’s finest” – if it turns out she is a cop, now you have to sit through an entire conversation about law enforcement.

9.) “I think there’s something wrong with my eyes because I can’t take them off of you” – what are you going to do when you have to go to the bathroom?  ‘Oh, hey my eyes feel better now, I can see other things, excuse me for a moment I’ll be right back.  Okay I’m back, ahhh eye problems again.’

10.)  “If you were a McDonalds Burger, you’d be the McGorgeous” – This is really insulting.  You’ve just told her she’d be really attractive, if only she were a hamburger.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a bunch of stuff I have to do besides help you.

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About Tim Kochenderfer

I'm about yay-high and weigh about yay pounds

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  1. Pingback: 10 More Pick-Up Lines That Could Lead To Disaster. « Army Of Awesome People - February 13, 2013

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