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Satire

The Return Of Jack The Ripper (Or Somebody Else, Maybe)

I think that my new neighbor is either some sort of magician or he is Jack the Ripper.

I first saw him the evening that we were moving in.  From a distance, it looked as if he were wearing a cape and a top hat.  As I moved closer, it became apparent that he was wearing both of these items.  When I got even closer, I could only see the cape because it took up my entire field of vision. I backed up a little bit and saw that the cape was decorated with stars and moons.  I also noticed that he held a black wand with a white tip on each end.  My initial suspicions were correct.  It was Jack the Ripper.

I figured that if we were to be neighbors, I had better be neighborly.  I walked up to him and just came out with it.  “You’re Jack the Ripper, right?”

“What?” replied the Ripper.  “I am a magician, a conjuror of tricks if you will.  Could Jack the Ripper do this?”

All of a sudden he took off his top hat and tapped it with his wand.  “Ala peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!”  He said.

I couldn’t believe my eyes.  Out of the hat came a prostitute!  The Ripper held her up by her hair and promptly murdered her.

Now I was thoroughly confused.  I kind of understood the relationship of “tricks” to “prostitutes”, but that all seemed a bit hackie.

Oh well, he keeps his lawn in good order.

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About Jason Gooley

Thank you for your interest in me. Where do I start? Well, I guess I'm made up of about the average amount of cells. Let's see...2 arms, 2 legs...Yeah that sounds like me.

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