I think that my new neighbor is either some sort of magician or he is Jack the Ripper.
I first saw him the evening that we were moving in. From a distance, it looked as if he were wearing a cape and a top hat. As I moved closer, it became apparent that he was wearing both of these items. When I got even closer, I could only see the cape because it took up my entire field of vision. I backed up a little bit and saw that the cape was decorated with stars and moons. I also noticed that he held a black wand with a white tip on each end. My initial suspicions were correct. It was Jack the Ripper.
I figured that if we were to be neighbors, I had better be neighborly. I walked up to him and just came out with it. “You’re Jack the Ripper, right?”
“What?” replied the Ripper. “I am a magician, a conjuror of tricks if you will. Could Jack the Ripper do this?”
All of a sudden he took off his top hat and tapped it with his wand. “Ala peanut butter and jelly sandwiches!” He said.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. Out of the hat came a prostitute! The Ripper held her up by her hair and promptly murdered her.
Now I was thoroughly confused. I kind of understood the relationship of “tricks” to “prostitutes”, but that all seemed a bit hackie.
Oh well, he keeps his lawn in good order.