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Satire

A Few Things You May Need To Know Before Seeing “The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe”.

The following is an interview that I originally recorded in early 2006.  It features an interview with Keith Wardrobe, the star of the hit film “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”, or something like that.

Jason:  So tell me what it was like playing the title roll in one of 2005’s top grossing movies?

Keith Wardrobe:  …..

Jason:  Ahh…hmm, well I was wondering if it was a good idea to try and interview a wardrobe.  Unfortunately, I don’t have a backup plan.

KW:  Oh, I was trying to think of how I should answer the question.  This was a big step for all of us in Hollywood.  Generally, IO’s are cast as background parts and rarely given credit for their performances.

Jason:  IO’s?

KW:  Inanimate objects.

Jason:  What other movies have you acted in?

KW:  Well, I started doing performance art on the streets of New York City in the early 70’s.  I got my first big break in the 1974 movie “Herbie Rides Again”.  I played a waiter at a cafe.   After that, I auditioned for the role of R2D2 in “Starwars”, but they rejected me, saying that I looked like I was made out of wood and did not fit with the ‘non-wood’ theme they were apparently going for.  Of course everyone knows that the role went to an up and coming toaster.  Most recently, you may have seen me in “Deuce Bigalow, European Gigolo”, where I played a street lamp.

Jason:  How did you get into acting?

KW:  Do you know the saying, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.”?

Jason:  I’m sorry I don’t.

KW:  Oh….That’s too bad.  It’s a pretty good saying and is very relevant here.

Jason:  ….

KW:  Anyway, I happened to be roommates with Jimmy Plasticbag, who you may have seen blowing around in the movie “American Beauty”.  He introduced me to all kinds of Hollywood types.  I should probably mention that I had a brief fling with a certain feather that floats around at the beginning and end of a certain movie that features a certain mentally challenged gentleman who was named a certain Forrest Gump.

Jason:  What was it like working on “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe”?

KW:  Stupid.

Jason:  Well, that’s about all the time we have.  Before we go, Mr. Wardrobe, finish this sentance: “If I could change one thing in my life, it would be, ‘blank’.”

KW:  Well it looks like you just finished it yourself with that ‘blank’ part.

Jason:  Please get out of here.

Join us next time when I will be interviewing a 2 x 4 that was used in the set construction for the film “V for Vendetta”.

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About Jason Gooley

Thank you for your interest in me. Where do I start? Well, I guess I'm made up of about the average amount of cells. Let's see...2 arms, 2 legs...Yeah that sounds like me.

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