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Satire

Sometimes When You Lose, You Win…….And You Also Lose Though, Remember?

When it comes to pain, I understand that I must bare it.  But how can I be expected to grin through it?  All I can seem to manage is some awkward looking grimace.  And besides, this really hurts.

It all started around two, two-thirty today.  I was doing some general repairs on my robot when all of a sudden my arm went limp.  I held my arm up at at a 90 degree angle and blew.  Sure enough, my forearm just waved back and forth in the breeze.  It was broken.

“Well this is just great” I muttered.  I was set to be on the show “American Inventor”, where I could finally present my robot to the world.  I had spent the last few weeks testing my robot’s basic functions like simple problem solving and cosmotology.  How could I be expected to make it to the presentation in time?

Just then, my robot beeped and booped its way across the floor.  “I didn’t know that you could do that!”,  I said.

” I am evolving, I can now wheel myself across the floor”, the robot said.

” I meant the ‘beeping’ and ‘booping'”, I said.

Together we gathered up what we would need for the presentation.  It turned out that the robot had gained the power of flight, which greatly diminished the time it took to get from my basement up to my garage.

We loaded up in the van and we were off.  During the trip we talked of the riches that would come to us when we won the competition.  Boy, was I in for a surprise.

When we arrived, the robot swooped me up and carried me into the auditorium.  He placed me on a table, and before I was able to speak, the robot started in.

“Ladies and gentleman”  the robot said.  ” I would like to present the worlds first moving, talking, ROBOT!!”, and pointed at me.

As the audience was cheering, I was pondering.  This was all very confusing to me.  This whole time, I had thought that I was a human.  I had vivid memories of growing up, going to school and building a robot.  What was going on here?

The more I thought about it, the more it seemed that I must be a real boy.  I looked like everyone else in that auditorium.  The robot presenting me was an old refrigerator with a head of lettuce for a brain that you could see through its transparent head.  Surely the judges wouldn’t fall for that.

“Can it do other things besides move and talk?” asked a doughy looking judge from the panel.

“Unfortunatly we are in the early stages of development.  At the present time,  the robot is only capable of those two functions”, said the robot.

Ok, I thought.  Here is my chance to prove that I am a human.  I started towards the judges table and tried to state that I was a man, and I built the ‘lettuce headed robot’.

The judges only clapped, hooped and howled.  No matter what I did to try to convince them, all of it involved moving and/or talking.  Be it running, jumping, camping or stooping, none of it worked.  The robot had my number.

On the way home, the robot and I stopped at Arby’s for the “5 for 5” deal.  We ended up winning first prize on “American Inventor”.  The trophy sat between the robot and me.  I had to admit, winning was better than losing, even if I ended up naked and on fire in front of millions of TV viewers.

I did learn a valuable lesson, however.  Don’t work on a robot in the basement.  It gets kind of cramped down there.

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About Jason Gooley

Thank you for your interest in me. Where do I start? Well, I guess I'm made up of about the average amount of cells. Let's see...2 arms, 2 legs...Yeah that sounds like me.

Discussion

2 thoughts on “Sometimes When You Lose, You Win…….And You Also Lose Though, Remember?

  1. That robot did have your number. Beep Boop. Hilarious!

    Posted by dreamlifemoments | April 4, 2012, 12:27 am

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  1. Pingback: Spiders And Robots Living Together « Army Of Awesome People - May 31, 2012

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