How I went from corporate star to chimney sweep without ever holding a job

“Let me put it to you straight, Rick. I can’t see us promoting you in the next 3 months as we promised.”

Well I have to say I took it pretty hard.

Harder then you would think, seeing as my name was not Rick and I didn’t even work here. But on that guys advice, I cleaned out Rick’s desk and headed to the corner bar.

“I’ve seen your kind once or twice in this business” said the meaty bartender with a twinkle in his eye.

“Oh yeah, what kind is that?” I asked with a smile.

“The kind of guy who can’t hold a job. Get the hell out of here, you bum!” It turned out that the twinkle in his eye was just some sleep crust.

I took the box of Rick’s things and tried to burn them in a garbage can in the back alley. I thought that this was a sentimental way to start a new life. Fortunately Rick’s belongings were nothing more than a box of matches, crumpled up newspaper and a bottle of lighter fluid.

I thought I might try my hand at chimney sweeping, so I fashioned the burnt out box into a top hat, turned a brand new broom into an older looking one, covered my face in ashes and adopted a cockney accent.
I went to my first job, and when I arrived I spoke with the man of the house.

“Do you just do chimney’s?” he asked, with sleep crust in his eye.

“‘ell govna’, I als do me’elf proud t’ say ‘at I a’do indee’s as wel’.” I replied.

He said something else to me after that, but he was really hard to understand so I got the hell out of there.

Now you may know me by my soot covered face, giant top hat or my lack of pants.

If you see me walking down your street, make sure to give out a whistle. If you aren’t able to whistle, either clap your hands or stomp your feet, or do something to get my attention! Geez!