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2012: A Look Into The Future At The Most Shocking Headlines In The Year Ahead

Osama bin Laden’s Ghost Wreaking Havoc Across The Middle East Kardashian Wins Presidency In Landslide Election Hurricane Issac – Turns out to have just been a Guy in a Hurricane Costume.  FEMA Furious. Kim Jong Il To World – I’m Not Dead You Idiots! North Korea – Who Did We Bury?! Long Awaited Kevin Federline … Continue reading

Chief Scientologist Announces New Practices for 2012

The Army of Awesome People (AoAP) sat down for a one-on-one chat with the Church of Scientology’s chief operating thetan (COT) to get the scoop on the big changes. AoAP:   Why the big announcement? COT:      We want Earthlings (people) to know we’re going to be focused on having fun in the New Year. AoAP:   … Continue reading

What Happens In Vegas Can Damage A Young Person For Life

I was a young man in college when I was presented with an opportunity to go to Vegas with my roommate. Having never been, I jumped at the chance. Especially because we could stay for free with his brother who lived there at the time. The daily routine was laid out for me soon after … Continue reading

Tuesday Test: Should you mess with Texas?

We’ve all heard the old saying ‘Don’t Mess With Texas.’ However, I had yet to meet anyone who had actually tested this warning. So recently, on a trip down south I decided to deliberately mess WITH Texas. This turned out to be a terrible mistake. If you or anyone you know is considering messing with Texas. … Continue reading

CONSUMER ALERT: Beware of candy canes that double as actual canes

Candy Canes, a German based cane company, founded by Herr Pfefferminze, is in a taste of trouble. With a seemingly brilliant idea, Candy Canes, more or less a fly-by-night company, set up operations this December to benefit from the holiday season to capitalize on merry spenders. There have been reports of the people falling all … Continue reading

If Bob Cratchit Was a Suck-Up

(The Firm of Scrooge & Marley.  Scrooge sits working at his desk.  Enter Bob Cratchit smiling.  Scrooge looks up at him) SCROOGE: Is there a problem, Cratchit? BOB CRATCHIT: Problem?  How could there be a problem when I work for the most wonderful boss in the entire world? (Scrooge stares at him for a moment … Continue reading

10 Confessions of an Elf

On a recent vacation to the Arctic Circle, I became consumed by a vicious snowstorm. Unable to defend against the bitter cold I finally succumbed to the elements. When I came to I awoke in a small room which smelled like gingerbread and nutmeg. Hovering above me were a group of small people with funny … Continue reading

HOLIDAY HEADLINES: Twas the good news week before Christmas

First, we have to celebrate the death of North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il. The longtime communist leader died of a massive heart attack last weekend. He was 69. We’re talking about his age, folks, not the position in which he was found. With his death comes a frightening uncertainty around the world about the … Continue reading

Frosty the Snowman Ruins Co-Star’s Career

Apparently hidden for decades was an awful truth surrounding the making of Frosty the Snowman. Yes, it is truly a beloved program with a character that every child and child-at-heart holds dear, but the one who coined the phrase “Happy Birthday” when coming to life, ruined a co-star’s life in the process. Christmas is just … Continue reading

Next week on Army of Awesome People….

Moammar Ghadaffi, not returning our phone calls. We head to Libya to find out why. Plus, Mitt Romney’s $10,000 bet with Rick Perry. You’ve seen the debate flub, but what you didn’t see was what happened just days later when Perry didn’t pay up. The video that explains why Perry showed up to Thursday night’s debate in … Continue reading

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