Army Of Awesome People

So like a lot of people, I got raptured this week. Actually, to be honest with you, I didn’t get raptured so much as I grabbed onto the leg of someone I saw getting raptured. Man, that was a long trip up, especially with all of the kicking that guy did.  I was pretty banged … Continue reading →

As the new year approaches, I cannot help but think of a fateful New Year’s Eve past, spent by the fireplace with my pet monkey, Chip Dip.  For the longest time, we just sat quietly in our respective arm chairs, he in his smoking jacket and I in my robe, privately reflecting on the past, present and future, … Continue reading →

The weary traveller had seen many things in his long, long journey but none compared to the sight of that cabin on the hill with an inviting plume of smoke coming from it’s stone chimney. As the traveller approached the front door, he was greeted by an old soul, the owner of the cabin.  “Folks call … Continue reading →

Funerals are generally thought of as glum and solemn affairs, but it doesn’t always have to be that way. Here are some things you can try to make your own funeral fun with a little planning. (Disclaimer: DO NOT attempt to make someone else’s funeral fun without prior consent, as some people’s ghosts have no … Continue reading →

We all can remember the first couple rules of Fight Club, but it always seemed to me that there had to be more.  Well wouldn’t you know it, I was crawling around in the sewer and I came across an unedited reel of the movie.  Here is a complete list of the rules: Rule 1: … Continue reading →

Recently, I made an amazing discovery. I was at the butcher’s counter at the grocery store, standing in line for a great sale they had on chicken breasts. After waiting 15 minutes, I was informed that the store had run out of stock. “Could I get a rain check?” I asked the butcher. “You wish,” … Continue reading →

When I was about fifteen years old, I woke up to hear a strange sound coming from the backyard. I went out to investigate, only to find a baby hawk, injured.  It had fallen from the tree above and what appeared to be the bird’s mother was tending to it. I watched for a couple … Continue reading →

As someone who is interested in the idea of the supernatural, I wonder why ghosts spend so much time simply scaring people.  And often, this is done in seemingly lazy ways (i.e. walking around loudly in the attic, opening cupboard doors, moving curtains, etc.). Some ghosts may not let you know they are around at all.  Why do they waste time and opportunities … Continue reading →

Last Friday’s world record jackpot sparked a lottery ticket buying frenzy.  On advice from experts, I will never flat out reveal if I won the money or not.  To the average person, I’ll appear to be the same old Tim.  However, there are some small signs that I’m a few hundred million dollars richer: -I’m no … Continue reading →