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This tag is associated with 18 posts

The Day My Pet Monkey Screwed Me Over

I went down to the basement this morning to do a load of laundry, only to find my clothes fresh, clean and neatly folded in a basket near the dryer. Confused, I looked up to see my pet monkey, Chip Dip. The monkey had done the load for me. I was excited about not having … Continue reading

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8 Signs You May Soon Be On The Endangered Species List

Our garage door apparently killed a salamander the other day.  Making matters worse, I looked it up and the type of salamander killed was an endangered species. Really though, no wonder you’re an endangered species if you can’t get out of the way of a garage door in time.  The salamander even had a really … Continue reading

10 Reasons For The Rise In Bear Attacks

Bear attacks have been on the rise in 2013.  Scientists have been baffled as to why.  Below are ten likely reasons: -Not enough positive influences in the forest. -Resurgence of gangsta rap, which glorifies violence while minimizing consequences -They suspect we may have weapons of mass destruction -Trying to get their own week on the discovery … Continue reading

A Wasp Stings, Then Cyber-Bullies My Friend Jim

The other day, my buddy Jim posted the below photo on Facebook: Feeling bad for my friend and having a strong disdain for wasps myself, I decided to immediately seek medical advice for Jim. After an intensive Google search, I was stunned to find that someone had posted the same exact photo.  I clicked the … Continue reading

8 Annoying Things About Cicadas Emerging After 17 Years

After spending 17 years underground, billions of Cicadas have surfaced once again on the East Coast. Many people find the bugs annoying because of the extremely loud noises they make.  However, those insects have been underground since 1996, and a lot of people are starting to find them annoying for other reasons: -As soon as … Continue reading

My Wife’s Cat’s Idea Of An April Fools Joke

I had fallen asleep in bed the night before April 1st while petting the cat as she was curled up beside me. I was awakened in the morning by a barrage of meowing. I wiped the sleep from my eyes, got out of bed and started for the bathroom. As I neared the bedroom door … Continue reading

Fun With News Headlines – Volume 16

If you follow this site at all, you know about the discovery I’ve made that just may change the face of journalism forever.  I’ve found that by changing the photos that accompany news headlines, the stories become much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much, much,much,much, much, much, much, much more intriguing.  Here’s this week’s … Continue reading

The Frustrated Snake Charmer

I bet probably the most frustrating thing for a snake charmer is when you’re about to begin the snake charming process and some idiot in a sports car drives by blasting snake charming music that is way too fast and your snake bolts up to the lid of the basket and is knocked unconscious.

The Hawk That Follows Me Around And Highlights My Mistakes

When I was about fifteen years old, I woke up to hear a strange sound coming from the backyard. I went out to investigate, only to find a baby hawk, injured.  It had fallen from the tree above and what appeared to be the bird’s mother was tending to it. I watched for a couple … Continue reading

Reincarnation

When I die, I hope I come back as a tree. A mighty oak tree, that can run and dance and talk and shoot baskets.

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