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This tag is associated with 23 posts

The Day My Pet Monkey Screwed Me Over

I went down to the basement this morning to do a load of laundry, only to find my clothes fresh, clean and neatly folded in a basket near the dryer. Confused, I looked up to see my pet monkey, Chip Dip. The monkey had done the load for me. I was excited about not having … Continue reading

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The Time My Pet Monkey Ruined My Super Bowl Party

This past Sunday, my wife allowed me to host a Super Bowl Party with the guys.  Things were going great, until suddenly the cable signal went out. The guys all started growing anxious and didn’t seem interested in my suggestion that we pass the time by watching some of the ‘Project Runways’ my wife had … Continue reading

Killing Him Kindly

If I were a murderer, I think my weapon of choice would be kindness.  I would find a homeless person and take him to a nice 5 course dinner.  After that, we would go dancing and cap off the night with a handsome cab ride through central park. Soon enough, he would be lying face … Continue reading

How My Pet Monkey Ruined New Years

As the new year approaches, I cannot help but think of a fateful New Year’s Eve past, spent by the fireplace with my pet monkey, Chip Dip.  For the longest time, we just sat quietly in our respective arm chairs, he in his smoking jacket and I in my robe, privately reflecting on the past, present and future, … Continue reading

9 Excuses from the lion-killer lady

Melissa Bachman, a Minnesota-based TV host and hunting star sparked outrage a few days ago when she posted the this picture of herself, posing with a lion she had just shot and killed in South Africa.  The photo has gone viral and inspired a global petition to have Bachman banned from the country.  Bachman, not backing … Continue reading

8 Signs You May Soon Be On The Endangered Species List

Our garage door apparently killed a salamander the other day.  Making matters worse, I looked it up and the type of salamander killed was an endangered species. Really though, no wonder you’re an endangered species if you can’t get out of the way of a garage door in time.  The salamander even had a really … Continue reading

10 Reasons For The Rise In Bear Attacks

Bear attacks have been on the rise in 2013.  Scientists have been baffled as to why.  Below are ten likely reasons: -Not enough positive influences in the forest. -Resurgence of gangsta rap, which glorifies violence while minimizing consequences -They suspect we may have weapons of mass destruction -Trying to get their own week on the discovery … Continue reading

The Frustrated Bird Caller

If you’re a bird caller, probably the most frustrating thing is when the girl you’re out with starts talking about her friend Caw and you ask “Caw who?” and the restaurant is suddenly flooded with crows and owls.

10 Worst Kentucky Derby Horse Names For The Radio Audience

Creative and unique horse names have long been a tradition at the Kentucky Derby. However, for those who listen to the race on the radio, they can often create quite a bit of confusion.  Below are the 10 most confusing horse names for radio listeners, followed by a transcript involving the use of the name … Continue reading

The Time My Pet Monkey Ruined My Dinner Party

This past weekend, I organized a very stressful event.  I was hosting a formal dinner and had invited my boss, my priest, my old college dean, my old Army captain, my old Navy captain, the CEO of Old Navy, My old football coach, my mother-in-law, the mayor of our town and the people at WordPress who decide … Continue reading

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