Last Friday’s world record jackpot sparked a lottery ticket buying frenzy. On advice from experts, I will never flat out reveal if I won the money or not. To the average person, I’ll appear to be the same old Tim. However, there are some small signs that I’m a few hundred million dollars richer:
Some guy called my robot C3PO. I told him stop giving my robot confusing names. He said it's from Star Wars. I told him I didn't understand the reference
-I’m no longer talking to you. I have a solid gold robot that does that for me now
-Instead of my usual shirt and pants I now wear nothing and just pay the fine
-Instead of texts and tweets, all of my messages are now sent via Gorilla-Gram
"I'm running late."
-My hilarious seltzer squirting lapel now shoots out 100 year old scotch
-Rather than a doorbell ring or a phone call, my presence is now preceded by a 110 piece musical ensemble performing an 8 minute number revolving around the fact that I am about to enter the room.
-Instead of tapping you on your shoulder to get your attention, I get a jet pilot to break the sound barrier
-My pet monkey ‘Chip Dip’ now drives a preowned Chevy Cruze (I didn’t want to get him anything too expensive on the off chance he crashes it)
-Instead of blowing kisses, when I say goodbye acrobats swing in and make-out with you.
Brian Croitori
Jason Gooley
Lindsay Tacia
List of X
Randy Shy
James Miller
Tim Kochenderfer
Todd Daggett
Nice!
Posted by 喀喀牛 | March 6, 2013, 11:48 pmWow!
Posted by 這裡的主人愛玩趣 | September 18, 2012, 5:31 amaahahahahahhahaha genius: -Instead of blowing kisses, when I say goodbye acrobats swing in and make-out with you.
love it!
x
Posted by brownponytail | April 20, 2012, 9:17 amHilarious! My husband’s response to the kids whining about something they want, “Well, I want a solid gold toilet but we don’t always get what we want now do we?”.
We discussed what obnoxious things we could do with the money if we won, we agreed that hiring actors to follow us around all day would be pretty entertaining. However, they had to follow us around portraying a character that they have played before, like Steve Carell as Barry in Dinner for Schmucks.
Posted by 4MyLifeFitness | April 9, 2012, 10:21 pmI love the idea of the gorilla gram. Much more personal than an standard text or tweet.
Posted by friwan | April 5, 2012, 7:46 amI dream of a world where we replace facebook with a bunch of people in gorilla costumes that all talk to each ohter face to face, and then relay those messages back to us.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 6, 2012, 6:09 pmI am thoroughly laughing my fool head off over here! My husband and I had a similar conversation over the weekend about what we would do with that kind of money. We came to the conclusion that not much would change, except for maybe some very subtle hints. Like for example, if you knocked at our door, the doorbell might play “Mr Big Stuff” (that was his idea), and I might actually tell all of my former employers what I actually thought about how they ran their business. My current employer would be safe, because I would want to keep my job, but then I would be working because I felt like it. And I would spend all of my free time blogging.
Posted by destinyisntfree | April 5, 2012, 3:39 amBuying a dressed up gorilla is of course a must when winning the Lottery
.
Posted by jumpingpolarbear | April 4, 2012, 2:37 amI was thinking of trying to train gorillas, but dressed up gorillas would probably work better
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 4:04 pmSimple, straight to the point and hilarious. If only you could afford the jet pilots t or the gorilla-gram. Both would make my day. Scratch that, either of them would make my year. Cheers.
Posted by N.S. | April 4, 2012, 1:07 amThanks! and cheers to you as well
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 5, 2012, 1:28 amNO WAY! that’s what exactly what I would do. I’m suing for identity theft.
Posted by EzraWontShutUp | April 4, 2012, 12:57 amTell you what, if drop your lawsuit, we’ll drop our plans to open a credit card in your name.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 5:03 pmReblogged this on The Sugar Quill and commented:
This made me laugh SOOOO hard.
Posted by Martha Cecilia (Alice) | April 4, 2012, 12:10 amThanks for the reblog. Looking forward to reading The Sugar Quill. I love sugar and I’m terrified of quills, so this sounds right up my alley!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:41 amYou are welcome! My main blog is Rabbitholereview.com but I couldn’t figure out how to put this one a blog where I review YA Lit. This was great. I already emailed it to a bunch of friends and had to leave the website because it was making me laugh during a class!
Posted by Martha Cecilia (Alice) | April 4, 2012, 12:43 amHow can I win the lottery if I am not buying the ticket???Very slim chance of winning…I’d rather be contented with what I have and be a good stewart at the same time, share my blessings with my family and those who are in need…love life even if I am not rich!
http://pinkangel26.wordpress.com/2012/04/04/the-graph-of-life-is-not-always-a-straight-line-2-2/
Posted by pinkangel26 | April 4, 2012, 12:02 amI don’t know… share blessings or unleash solid gold robot… you’re right that’s a super tough choice
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:09 amI literally guffawed at reading this. So simply-written that the brilliant humour is the star of the entry. Love it! Glad you didn’t win the lottery, or else you might never reply to this comment :p
Hilary xx
Posted by hilaryisaac | April 3, 2012, 11:26 pmThank you! Actually, had I won I would have responded with a full blown musical number. Unfortunately, due to budget all I have is a milk jug and a broken rubberband, but I’ll do my best to make a song.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:37 amI’ll jimmy you a little maracas out of an empty matchbox and a couple a pebbles. ‘S long as you got rhythm, then we can work on the music.
Posted by hilaryisaac | April 4, 2012, 9:19 pmhilarious! sharing this with friends
Posted by here in the after | April 3, 2012, 8:59 pmThank you! And please pass along my very best to your friends as well, unless they hate it, in which case, please pass along my punches.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:13 pmHunting for blogs worth reading much less following is a headache inducing chore. But yours is witty and interesting. I look forward to seeing more of this army.
Posted by gravitasbaby | April 3, 2012, 8:54 pmThank you! The Army is always at your service, and if there is a foreign nation you would like us to invade, please let us know!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:16 pmI find a 3 week old bag of stale chips funnier than your reasons…have you considered PETA in your inhumane use of Gorillas in “Gorilla Grams?” you should be ashamed of your self.
Posted by mikelcal | April 3, 2012, 8:18 pmI DID consider PETA, but they refused to dress up like gorillas
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:15 pmYou are too funny. The rest of my family are asleep. I’m jetlagged and reading your blog post laughing my head off. I hope no one heard or else they’ll think I’m going mad.
Posted by chilliandmint | April 3, 2012, 7:16 pmThank you! And my best to your family. Actually, wake them up please and give them my best.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:18 pmHilarious!
Posted by creativenoshing | April 3, 2012, 6:19 pmThanks. What would it take to get to two exclamation marks?
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:21 pmFirst answer this, when the 110 piece ensemble announces your presence, do you appear or your solid gold robot?
Posted by creativenoshing | April 3, 2012, 11:55 pmI appear. The drum core solo causes the robot to malfunction.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:12 amOh okay, that’s what I thought. I mean, that was the most obvious, reasonable scenario. Hehe…Thanks for the laughs!!
Posted by creativenoshing | April 4, 2012, 1:06 amSuper funny !!
Posted by shil | April 3, 2012, 5:12 pmThank you and good use of exclamation marks!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:22 pmHilarious
Posted by sagelikethespice | April 3, 2012, 4:23 pmThanks! What would it take to get an exclamation mark at the end of that?
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:25 pmLOL, I’m a writer trying to avoid exclamation points when at all possible, so I just leave them off out of habit
Here you go:
!
Posted by sagelikethespice | April 4, 2012, 6:13 pmIf i ever win the lottery, i’ll be sure to let you know vis Gorilla Gram.
Posted by Sarah | April 3, 2012, 3:11 pmIf the gorilla gram could also include a box of gorilla graham crackers that would be a nice touch
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:31 pmZomg yes! And a complimentary bottle of gorilla glue!
Posted by Sarah | April 19, 2012, 3:32 pmLove it!
Posted by myjourney2healthy | April 3, 2012, 2:57 pmAnd, in return, this post loves you.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:37 pmThanks Tim, Where can I find more recent work of yours?
Posted by myjourney2healthy | April 5, 2012, 9:51 amThanks for your interest. Besides my other work on this site(http://armyofawesomepeople.com/author/timkochenderfer/), here are a few links:
I’m a published playwright. You can read large samples of my work at my publishers sites – http://www.playscripts.com/author.php3?authorid=82
as well as – http://www.brookpub.com/default.aspx?pg=ab&afn=Tim&aln=Kochenderfer
I also did some work for Cracked Magazine a few years ago – http://www.cracked.com/members/tim-kochenderfer_contributor/
And I’ll have more to come on Army Of Awesome People in the days and weeks ahead.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 5, 2012, 4:23 pmCheers, now I have what to read over passover
Posted by myjourney2healthy | April 5, 2012, 5:36 pmI’ve been told my work goes well with bitter herbs and unleavened bread
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 5, 2012, 8:42 pmAfter I got a head start last night reading some of your work (I couldn’t wait) I would say more the charoseth! Thanks for the laugh! (Bush’s letter to Iraqs Prime Minister). Brilliant!
Posted by myjourney2healthy | April 6, 2012, 8:27 amAfter I got a head start last night reading some of your work (I couldn’t wait) I would say more the charoseth! Thanks for the laugh! (Bush’s letter to Iraqs Prime Minister). Brilliant! Happy Hollidays
Posted by myjourney2healthy | April 6, 2012, 8:27 amCharoseth sounds delicious. Thank you for associating my work with it. Enjoy your seder meal and have a happy Passover. I’m not Jewish but I do have some kosher wine at home which I shall enjoy in your honor this evening.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 6, 2012, 5:29 pmWhy thank you, was it good? Your articles are for some excellent and humorous reading! I can’t get enough. A big fan
Posted by myjourney2healthy | April 11, 2012, 10:18 amIt was good, but it was super sweet. Glad you’re enjoying my work! Thanks for reading!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 11, 2012, 9:47 pmWe had a dry wine, a merlot made in Chile lan zur, next time your in a wine store.. just saying
Posted by myjourney2healthy | April 12, 2012, 9:04 amIf.i.won.the.lottery.i.would.do.a.backward.roll.and.then.jump.into.a.hot.tub.and.then.go.underwater.and.then.come.back.up.and.say.woooohooo.like.a.loony.so.then.i.would.be.talking.to.a.sandwhich!!!!!!
If i won the lottery i would probably do what you did and then i would do it all again!!!
Posted by sophiereader | April 3, 2012, 1:36 pmI’m glad you’ve included emerging from underwater in your plans. It’s always key, when planning to go under any kind of water, to also plan to resurface.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:50 pmI’ll keep that noted
Posted by sophiereader | April 4, 2012, 3:37 amMmm, scotch lapel.
Posted by Chris G. | April 3, 2012, 11:32 amand for the kids, butterscotch lapel
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:51 pmMmm, scotch pen.
Posted by Chris G. | April 3, 2012, 11:32 amand for the kids, butterscotch pen
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:52 pmLOVE this!
Posted by DENYdesigns | April 3, 2012, 11:13 amand it loves you
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:54 pmAll cute and laugh worthy, thanks!
Posted by ric lotfinia | April 3, 2012, 10:27 amthanks ric!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 11:56 pmOther signs…
* I now have a chauffer who rolls out a ‘red carpet’ when I get out of the backseat of the car.
* I have a personal assistant following me around to do all my chores.
*My pomeranian named “Noodles” has his own personal valet.
*All my calls and mails are handled by someone else
*I fly a private jet to complete all my travels
But at the same time….I would like to remain anonymous when helping the world.
Posted by Carmela | April 3, 2012, 9:18 amHow about instead of red carpet, your chauffer lays down hardwood or laminate when you step out of the car?
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:05 amI would really like that.
Posted by Carmela | April 4, 2012, 1:37 amReblogged this on threemenredhead.
Posted by Three Men & A Red Head | April 3, 2012, 3:25 amThanks for some ideas in case I win the Canadian lottery! Unfortunately, our lotto is capped at $50M so if I am ever graced by the Probability Gods, I’ll have to trim a little fat off of some of your ideas, like by sending the Gorilla-Gram by “general delivery”.
Posted by HoaiPhai | April 3, 2012, 2:37 amha, ha, ha! you have a amazing sense of humor! perhaps you will like my blog- http://imockatbullshit.wordpress.com/
Posted by Divyanshu Kalra | April 3, 2012, 5:58 amI’m just winding down my blogging day but if my boss is not around I’ll pay you a visit tomorrow!
Posted by HoaiPhai | April 3, 2012, 6:06 amWitty! A characteristic limited to a few!
Posted by Divyanshu Kalra | April 3, 2012, 6:11 am9th sign, you have acquired a lemur monkey to follow you around at all times holding a boom box, playing your theme song “Can’t Touch This” by MC Hammer. Very funny, I love this article
Posted by Food & The City | April 3, 2012, 2:34 amlove it! let’s switch lemur monkey with robot monkey and “Can’t Touch This” with “Let’s Get It Started” (I always felt that was Hammer’s better work)
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:15 amnyce!!!!
Posted by Food & The City | April 4, 2012, 10:26 pmInstead of my usual shirt and pants I now wear nothing and just pay the fine
I would definitely do this if I won the lottery (and after paying tons of dollars for liposuction sessions)!
Posted by The Background Story | April 2, 2012, 11:19 pmnah skip the lipo. if people don’t like what they see, shine a flashlight in their eyes.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:17 amVery funny! Great take on the lottery fantasies. While everyone is thinking about the cars and houses, you came up with buying golden robots and walking around in the nude. Haha, love it.
Just so you know, a couple of your ideas helped spark the idea for my post today. So thanks!
Posted by Matt Tapp | April 2, 2012, 11:16 pmActually, I was thinking I would try to make the robot rather than buy it, but thanks! And glad I could be of service
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:20 amHaha classic! I’m going to have to keep these in mind for when I win the lottery!
Posted by Style Connect AU | April 2, 2012, 9:34 pmI’ll start work right away on a robot for you
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:22 amI read the post once, then reread (most of it) to my friend. Only after that did I see the picture of C3PO on the side and finally get the gold robot. (My friend doesn’t know Star Wars and as such, wouldn’t get it anyway.)
Posted by Abigail | April 2, 2012, 9:33 pmI think once you told your friend about Captain Kirk and about how they have great coffee and theres one on every corner your friend would have been like ‘oh yeah, Star Wars’
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:24 amI was really into the signs until you got to the make out part. Hilarious post.
Posted by Grumpa Joe | April 2, 2012, 9:29 pmStill laughing…
Posted by theredbench | April 2, 2012, 9:07 pm5 minutes of laughter. Mission accomplished.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 1:16 amAnother five! Double mission accomplished. I have a lot to think about now when I win the lottery. I guess I have to play once in awhile though too!
Posted by Turn Around and Swim Life | Lessons| Laughter | Love | April 3, 2012, 10:10 am-Instead of my usual shirt and pants I now wear nothing and just pay the fine
Hands down my favorite one. Thanks for making me lol today…
Posted by theredbench | April 2, 2012, 9:02 pmI love this!!!!! I’m so glad someone else knows the woes of winning the lottery.
Posted by Currie Rose | April 2, 2012, 8:34 pmIt’s a tough burden to bare
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:26 amToo funny! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! It is almost like winning the lottery, except there is no cash involved!
Posted by susielindau | April 2, 2012, 8:19 pmThere’s no cash involved?! Crap!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:27 amyou have some very extravagant and unusual tastes. all the best to you.
Posted by ramiungarthewriter | April 2, 2012, 8:01 pmReblogged this on interesting12 and commented:
“I’m no longer talking to you, I have a solid gold robot that does that for me now.” HA!!! LOVE IT.
Posted by maggie. | April 2, 2012, 7:48 pmTim thanks you and appreciates the repost – sincerely T-BOT2000
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:32 amDig it! Robots, Monkeys and moderately priced used cars are the things of Lotto Winning Dreams!
Posted by Joshua | April 2, 2012, 7:44 pmThanks. And may I add, nightly dinners at Applebees to that list?
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:29 amSedan chair. More pizza. Mysteriously vanishing neighbors.
Posted by MichaelEdits | April 2, 2012, 7:29 pmSounds like a poem I heard once
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 3, 2012, 1:13 amGreat post! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed. My personal favourite is #2. I appreciate that your wardrobe would neither enlarge nor improve, instead, being inordinately rich would cause you to do away with it altogether. I certainly did not see that one coming!
Abbie
Posted by abbieprescott | April 2, 2012, 7:23 pmThank you! I had considered just doing a cape, but I have a huge fear of what would happen if it got caught in the ceiling fan.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 7:31 pmAh, an obvious drawback. Better stick to being The Naked Bandit then. After all, what is the point of being insanely rich if you can’t be insanely eccentric? Thanks for following me by the way!
Posted by abbieprescott | April 2, 2012, 7:35 pmHow about a tattoo of a cape?
Posted by HoaiPhai | April 3, 2012, 6:08 amI say this sounds like money hilariously spent.
Posted by mybakingempire | April 2, 2012, 7:13 pmI’ve always heard the two best investmenst you can make are in the lottery and in hilarious gags.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 7:32 pmhear, hear
Posted by mybakingempire | April 2, 2012, 9:04 pmOn the off chance that your monkey calls on me is he qualified to lend me a few bucks. I too may have won a good sized lottery. Check the robot’s software regularily. Mine ran off with my money. That is why I am a little short this month. Regardless I am so happy to be your new best friend. As such you don’t need to talk to me. I understand. Good work. All of it.
Posted by millodello | April 2, 2012, 6:47 pmChip Dip is defnitely not qualified to lend money, but I’ll send some to you via robot. Thanks for the tip on the software upgrades. Right now, the robot’s running off of Windows 95. I’ll see if there have been any upgrades to that program.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 6:57 pmI love LOVE the idea of the gorilla gram and am thinking the acrobat thing could be cool so long as we had final approval on the acrobats you hire!
Posted by Sarah Harris | April 2, 2012, 5:32 pmI’m working to improve our acrobatic staff, it turned out some of them were too heavy for the trapeze
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 6:54 pmUnicycle duty then! Thanks for wandering through!
Posted by Sarah Harris | April 3, 2012, 12:35 amHehe, that’s hilarious!
In the UK recently, a bus driver took a phone call which advised him that his syndicate had won the lottery. So, he walked off the bus and left a load of passengers stranded! Bet he wishes he’d read this first cos now he just seems silly.
Posted by Sew Smug | April 2, 2012, 5:14 pmThat’s the number one reason why I don’t use public transportation. Fear that my driver will suddenly win the lottery
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 4, 2012, 12:30 amhaha that was awesome. Good call on the Chevy Cruze, every knows monkeys are terrible drivers. (That’s sexist or racist or anything is it?
Posted by atelian33 | April 2, 2012, 5:10 pmThanks! It’s specie-ist – but I’ll allow it.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 5:13 pmhaha thanks for the fun read
the mental image of the acrobats is a hoot!
Posted by skitalica | April 2, 2012, 5:07 pmAcrobat coming your way to show appreciation for your comment.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 5:14 pm“-Instead of my usual shirt and pants I now wear nothing and just pay the fine”
HELL. YEAH. never have to do laundry again? i can get behind that.
hahahah! #BringingNudistBack
This is one of the best posts I’ve seen in quite some time. Thumbs up!
Posted by Larissa Horvath | April 2, 2012, 4:56 pmGood stuff–thanks!
Posted by Madame Weebles | April 2, 2012, 4:56 pmThank you Madame Weebles
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 5:14 pmLOL!!! I too want my own Gorilla Gram!
Posted by I Made You A Mixtape | April 2, 2012, 4:40 pmI want my own mix tape!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:46 pmLoving your post – Gorilla Gram – ha! Congrats on being FP!
Posted by cravesadventure | April 2, 2012, 4:24 pmThanks! Gorilla gram coming.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:47 pmHilarious. I especially love “Instead of blowing kisses, when I say goodbye acrobats swing in and make-out with you.” Congrats on FP. Happened to me last week–get ready for some mega views! I’ll definitely be coming back for more of your funny in the future!
Posted by truthandcake | April 2, 2012, 4:24 pmThanks. Looking forward to your return. And I love cake and I love truth so your blog sounds right up my alley,
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:47 pmI wish I could win the lottery!
Posted by thegirlwhowantstotalk | April 2, 2012, 4:05 pmNow that I’ve won the lottery and I’m on the inside, I’ll see if I can make that happen.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:14 pmThanks! That’s great
Posted by thegirlwhowantstotalk | April 4, 2012, 10:22 amNever in a thousand years would I do all these things if I won the lottery…….o.k. I am Fibbing!
Posted by John J. Rigo, Texas' Poet | April 2, 2012, 3:53 pmWhat about in ten years?
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:16 pmAs I said, “I was Fibbing.” but yep, I would do what you would, but with cream on top!
Posted by John J. Rigo, Texas' Poet | April 2, 2012, 4:35 pmThanks for making me laugh.
Also, feel free to make me your charity case and pay off my student loans if you ever win!
Or even if you never do.
Posted by Priscilla | April 2, 2012, 3:26 pmMy pleasure. I’ll at least lower your interest rate.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:16 pmC3-who?
Posted by Chris | April 2, 2012, 3:25 pmC3D2 I believe
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:17 pmthanx for the wonderful share…
STC Technologies
Posted by neonfinkiejack | April 2, 2012, 2:48 pmThank you!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:18 pmVery funny post, especially considering the myriad of lottery-related “humor” posts that have been floating around…
Posted by PostCollegiate | April 2, 2012, 2:39 pmIs there really such a thing as a Gorilla-Gram?? There should be…
Posted by hangryhippo | April 2, 2012, 2:38 pmThere is. I have a feeling one day they will completely replace Twitter
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 3:17 pmyeah… can’t wait for that day lolling all the way.
Posted by The Drunk Archer | April 4, 2012, 3:44 pmI can only hope and pray that your prediction will come true
Posted by hangryhippo | April 5, 2012, 3:48 pmLove it. Thanks for the laughs. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed by the way. This is the funniest blog I’ve read in a long time on Freshly Pressed. I look forward to reading more.
Posted by tvjudge | April 2, 2012, 2:19 pmThanks. I appreciate that!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:20 pmReblogged this on LittleLessonsLearned and commented:
Lesson #35: Take Time to Appreciate the Efforts of Others
This has made me smile twice today, so I figure it’s worth spreading the joy…
Posted by IWritetheBlogs | April 2, 2012, 2:16 pm…9th sign… u do exactly what this guy is doin g in this clip!
Posted by megasharekenya | April 2, 2012, 2:18 pmThank you. Proud to have made a guest appearance!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:21 pmHahaha…hot acrobats…hot ones!!
Posted by Claire Fischer | April 2, 2012, 2:09 pmThey’re only hot if I don’t have to split the pot.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 3:10 pmI knew it was you that won the lottery the minute I saw the ad on Craig’s List looking for someone to write a blog for a newly rich person!
Congrats on being Freshly Rich…oops, I mean Freshly Pressed.
Mr. Bricks
Wait, putting an ad on Craig’s List to hire someone to write a blog for me…hmm not a bad idea. Now I just need to win the lottery.
Posted by mrbricksworld | April 2, 2012, 1:58 pmI’ll see if I can make that happen. Thanks!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:22 pmThis was hilarious!! I’m glad it was one of the featured blogs on the WP home page. Thanks for brightening my day!
Posted by Jeri Lynn | April 2, 2012, 1:15 pmBeing Freshly Pressed is kinda like winning the lotto. So, congrats!
Posted by Tina Wina | April 2, 2012, 1:33 pmThanks. Expect a gorilla gram soon.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:24 pmClever post! I really like the 100 year old Scotch squirting from your lapel… Thanks for the chuckle!!
Posted by Jane | April 2, 2012, 1:11 pmThanks! Most people seem put off when I introduce them to my scotch squirting lapel. Glad to see everyone’s not so uptight.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:26 pmReblogged this on dmaportland.
Posted by dmaportland | April 2, 2012, 12:27 pmI really like the scotch from the lapel…
Posted by camartinsky | April 2, 2012, 12:26 pmIt’s also a lot more convenient than a flask
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 3:19 pmI wish you WOULD win the lottery.
Posted by ambermlee75 | April 2, 2012, 12:13 pmMe too Ambermlee75, me too.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:26 pmHahaha! This is great! Thanks for brightening my day!
-Joe
Posted by Joseph M. Berhosky | April 2, 2012, 12:06 pmThanks Joe!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:28 pmWhen I was reading your post, I thought, “Wouldn’t it be cool if the author actually did win the jackpot.” And then I scrolled down and read that you are a six-time Emmy winning producer and figured that you are already WAY. TOO. COOL.
I’d rather have six Emmys than 600 million dollars.
http://indiraadams.wordpress.com
Posted by indiraadams | April 2, 2012, 12:00 pmhaha thanks. I should add they’re local Emmys. I’d rather have the $600 million.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 3:22 pmHilarious, especially the last one!
Posted by Nicole | April 2, 2012, 11:21 amI’ll send an acrobat by to show my appreciation for that comment.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:32 pmThat is cool, hire me as an acrobat!
Posted by themanwhodoesntwork | April 2, 2012, 11:15 amSend your resume. I should note, the health benefits suck.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:29 pmhahaha!! funny and creative.
Posted by coloradokate | April 2, 2012, 11:09 amThanks coloradokate. Sincerely, michigantim
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:33 pmthis is amazing. thanks!
Posted by barefootbeing | April 2, 2012, 10:57 amthanks for reading!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:48 pmBrilliant. Thanks for the ideas!
Posted by Optima Moving | April 2, 2012, 10:46 amMy husband and I said we’d finally get a new van. And I’d totally have someone clean my house for me. I’m tired of sweeping up crumbs. Spoken from the mouths of lame parents. We can all dream, right? Congrats on being Freshly Pressed. Great post.
Posted by muddledmom | April 2, 2012, 10:22 amhaha.. this is the funniest thing I have read all year…
Posted by Darlene Steelman | April 2, 2012, 10:12 amnice to hear! thanks!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:50 pmLOL, now I know how to behave when I do win – thanks!
Posted by Mom Meets Blog | April 2, 2012, 10:11 amoh so witty. loved it.
Posted by ohshititsmar | April 2, 2012, 10:08 amVery nice and original ideas. Keep on playing the lottery and “we” will be able to tell when you hit all the numbers!
Posted by Blue Aventurine | April 2, 2012, 10:07 amI’m usually very good at dodging kisses blown to me. But acrobats? I hope they’re Italians.
Posted by Addie | April 2, 2012, 10:01 amThey’re sweeds. It was the best I could do in the limited amount of time I had.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 3:27 pmBrilliant ideas! Check out the lotto results at Lotto.com and let us know if you have won the lottery. We would love to see your “Solid Gold Robot” once you win the lottery.
Posted by Lotto Results | April 2, 2012, 10:00 amThis is great. Thanks for the laughs.
Posted by IWritetheBlogs | April 2, 2012, 9:57 amPermission to reblog? I’d love to refer friends to the article…
Posted by IWritetheBlogs | April 2, 2012, 2:34 pmreblog all you’d like thanks!
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 3:45 pmNice lol from you thanks.
Posted by MzLoveViewz | April 2, 2012, 9:57 amNow I really want to win the lottery! Good luck!
Posted by Gândeşte limpede | April 2, 2012, 9:55 am“solid gold robot” ! Hope you win the lottery and we get the chance to see these ideas become real.
Posted by EuroJackpot Results | April 2, 2012, 9:42 amGreat ideas! And congratulations on winning the lottery(freshly pressed).
Posted by Lotto Results | April 2, 2012, 9:40 amSo does the solid gold robot tell the Gorilla what to do? And if so, at what point does this become a human apocalypse that combines both the Matrix and planet of the apes. For gods sake man, think about what you are doing. I’m off to stock up on tinned goods and hide in a bunker.
Posted by Andrew Thomas | April 2, 2012, 9:37 amclever ideas! and i don’t care how rich, if we were friends and you sent me a gorilla gram like that, we’d be done.
Posted by The Simple Life of a Country Man's Wife | April 2, 2012, 9:14 amI think I may just start sending all messages via gorilla-gram…despite not winning the lottery.
Wouldn’t life just be inherently happier that way?
Posted by Mikalee Byerman | April 2, 2012, 9:13 amIn theory yes, but I should mention that the gorillas are extremely tempermental
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 3:39 pmI hope you win someday! Just keep blogging and sharing your millionaire adventures!
Posted by The Hook | April 2, 2012, 9:10 amWow, it’s good to be you – congratulations to both you and Chip Dip. Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go back to playing with my dust bunny, since I can’t afford a real pet. You see, some of us didn’t win the lottery.
Posted by the home tome | April 2, 2012, 8:41 amAwesomely funny! Congrats on being freshly pressed!
Posted by -Durk- | April 2, 2012, 8:40 amGreat ideas! What a beautiful way to start the day — laughing and stretching my imagination. And I won’t waste time getting dressed, either.
Posted by Dawn | April 2, 2012, 8:33 amAnd what happens to the laundry?
Posted by home, garden, life | April 2, 2012, 8:32 ambut what will your driver drive??
Posted by zen city | April 2, 2012, 8:17 am“Instead of texts and tweets, all of my messages are now sent via Gorilla-Gram” love that. It would be so weird to get one of those simply saying ‘running late, will be there in half hour’ lol!
Posted by local skip hire | April 2, 2012, 8:14 amwoah! go Tim: http://horiwood2.com/2012/04/02/pinnacles-monument-park/
Posted by horiwood2 | April 2, 2012, 7:56 amI would pay every clown in America a salary if they promised to STOP being clowns…. they’re creepy.
Posted by makewayforlindaj | April 2, 2012, 7:41 amOh, by the way, congrats on being Freshly Pressed! I was too busy trying to rid the world of clowns, and I forgot to mention that the last time….
Posted by makewayforlindaj | April 2, 2012, 7:58 amLove
Posted by 台北日租套房 | April 2, 2012, 7:21 amVery funny and well written article. I love it.
Posted by RaoulDukeKD | April 2, 2012, 6:33 amHilarious
Posted by Kamuflirt | April 2, 2012, 6:28 ami cracked up with “Instead of my usual shirt and pants I now wear nothing and just pay the fine” hahah i love that idea although I don’t think I have enough confidence to do it..LOL
Posted by cheryllme | April 2, 2012, 6:27 ambrilliant. I would love to receive a gorilla-gram
Posted by Sinead | April 2, 2012, 6:22 amOOHHH … like the acrobat one and I would love a gorilla gram … I think i would buy 100 roast-chickens and only eat the skin, I would have a guy follow me all day telling me how wonderful and pretty I am and if it rains I would have men in suits lie down in puddles for em to step on
Posted by jensine | April 2, 2012, 6:11 amAnd if you decide to live in England, give the monkey a Ford Cortina instead of a Chevy. Good job.
Posted by Jim Chapman | April 2, 2012, 6:11 amI don’t know of the monkey can drive on that side of the road.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:35 pmI don’t think it would matter too much, it doesn’t seem to bother anyone else over here. Anything’s possible with the promise of a banana…
Posted by Jim Chapman | April 3, 2012, 7:47 amOOOHHH like the acrobat one and would love a gorilla gram … I think I’d buy 100 roasted chickens and only eat the skin or have a guy follow me all day telling em how wonderful I am and if it rains I’d have men in suits lie down in the puddles for me to walk over …
Posted by jensine | April 2, 2012, 6:09 amGenius.
Posted by MrTheKidd | April 2, 2012, 6:06 amHahaha. Goodbye, Tim, goodbye. Where are those acrobats??
Posted by Winn | April 2, 2012, 5:55 amThey got tangled up. They’ll be there, they’ll be there.
Posted by Tim Kochenderfer | April 2, 2012, 4:36 pmHilarious!
Love it.
Posted by fati's recipes | April 2, 2012, 5:35 amJust hilarious!
Posted by The Modern Home Economist | April 2, 2012, 5:24 amI love this article
Posted by buddyutomo | April 2, 2012, 5:23 amReblogged this on triadarabarlian and commented:
totally hilarious hahahahahha
totally recommended, read this !
Posted by triadarabarlian | April 2, 2012, 5:02 amJust my sense of humour. Thanks for the giggle to start the day!
Posted by 59to60 | April 2, 2012, 4:53 amThat was hilarious, that made my day. Thank you!
Posted by bedheadleah | April 2, 2012, 4:24 amYou are now giving me a lot of ideas what to do with the money
Posted by sirarmany | April 2, 2012, 4:18 amThanks for the ideas!
Posted by Katie Michele | April 2, 2012, 3:30 am